I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
