I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just had sex on a roof
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
