3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
