You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
