Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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