Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Randomize
