I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you win again, gameday.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
