he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
