Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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