I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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