I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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