Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
