hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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