she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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