the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
