I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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