she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
