My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
