Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
