im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
