i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just pee around me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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