yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
