How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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