the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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