He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
