was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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