We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
