Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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