she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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