Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
