you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
