Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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