ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
