so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
