Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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