I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
