Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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