epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need to sanitize my soul.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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