I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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