my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
