we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
