i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
