I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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