imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
