Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
