Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's blow job season.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
