I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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