Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
