a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
