You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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