This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
