I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
