They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
