They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
