Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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