there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
