He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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