im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
