First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
