I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They have beer where we have blood.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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